8 Dumbest Things Men Say In Bed
You can’t pick up a magazine without reading all the things you’re supposed to be doing in bed. What to wear, how to touch, what position, where to hang the trapeze… you know all that stuff. That’s all good, but then you get a man who says the wrong things in bed!
There’s nothing that can kill a passionate mood quite like the wrong words. It’s amazing how men can damage the sphere with a few choice syllables. Some like to talk dirty, but that’s a lot different than talking stupid. I’d like to present my list of the 8 dumbest things I know men have said in the sack.
1.
Lovemaking is supposed to be a very intimate activity. Some won’t consider doing it unless they’re married to their bedmate (or at least firmly committed). At a minimum we like the pretence of exclusivity – this is a special moment with a special person. So it’s really a bummer if you hear the question: “What was your name again?”
2.
Modern medicine now makes many communicable diseases no more than minor annoyances – but doesn’t mean you’re interested in catching them. It’s a touchy subject, but one that really needs to be uncovered before you are. Under the sheets is NOT the time to attempt to be reassured by your partner with the words, “Don’t worry. It’s not contagious.”
3.
Making love can be enhanced with a bit of adventurous exploration, but it’s not a competition. No one wants to be compared to anyone else. At absolutely no point do you want to put pressure on your partner to try something she or he’s simply not into. And gentleman, you’re not going to make her feel more like trying if you say, “All the other girls like this.”
4.
Trying to do it without getting caught - I’m not going to be the one to judge, but I will say this. You’re probably uninterested in meeting his wife with your pants down. You might need to re-think your plans if the pre-amorous instructions include, “So if my wife comes home…”
5.
A very sensual way is to mutually apply soap and water. How much more delightful then, is the suggestion, “Let’s take a shower” rather than the inappropriately timed question, “What’s that smell?”
6.
At the risk of showing my age, I’d like to quote one of my favorite love grooves of the 80’s, “Slow Hand” by the Pointer Sisters. Gals, I think the lyrics of this ditty speak for us when they say:
“I want a man with a slow hand
I want a lover with an easy touch
I want somebody who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
I want somebody who will understand
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand.”
Sigh. So true. Which is why gentlemen, you must never say, “Can you hurry up?”
7. When we’re between the percales with our love objects, we want to feel we’re not simply the most important thing in the world, but the ONLY thing in the world. Nothing else could possibly be more pressing, more critical than the passion we are about to create between us. Nothing. So don’t even THINK about saying, “Wait! I forgot to program the TiVo!”
8. And finally. Men you must by all means avoid saying the dumbest thing of all: the three little words that mean small. “Is it in?”